Working on my relationship thinking → Exercises → Article → Go through old partners →
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What have you sought in relationships? Have you been realistic in your expectations? What have you learned about yourself in living through them? What are you looking, for now, that is different from what you might have in the past?

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I have sought someone who liked me, had a personality I liked, and had a style of communication that matched with mine.

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My expectations have not been realistic, which is part of why I’ve fallen out of love after a year or two.

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I love my partner strongly yet also hold extremely high standards. I love them despite not meeting my unrealistic standards. That leads to me getting stuck out of love but in an obligated relationship.

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What I’ve learned

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I need to ground my expectations more

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I need to notice when I’m starting to move from in love to in obligation

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I’m not sure what the difference between love and obligation is, and I was hoping it would be apparent to me in a relationship but it hasn’t been yet. Perhaps I need to find a way to make love the work rather than the feeling.

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Now, I’m looking for a relationship that can make it over the hurdle of my expectations. Which means something meeting in the middle: making my expectations realistic and more grounded in reality, but also working towards bringing the relationship to the place that meets my expectations.

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