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Many of those who make it into forever-happily-devoted partners have learned the secret to that outcome. They have never seen the options offered on their “relationship island” as fixed entities. They absolutely trust and believe that their relationship is not rigid nor limited. In fact, they see it as having infinite possibilities for innovation and continuously new perspectives. They express that attitude in the way they think about being together:
Think of the personality characteristics, behaviors, philosophies, beliefs, social circles, crises coping mechanisms, physical attractions, family attachments, career choices, emotional temperaments, financial attitudes and obligations that would be most important to you were you to live happily ever after on this relationship island forever.
Make a list of the most significant relationship islands you’ve lived on in the past. Write down next to each partnership what you saw in it when it began, what kept you in that relationship for as long as you stayed, and why you eventually chose to leave.
When you have finished, look at your patterns. What have you sought in relationships? Have you been realistic in your expectations? What have you learned about yourself in living through them? What are you looking, for now, that is different from what you might have in the past?
Then acknowledge and accept whatever limitations exist in your life that will make your options more available. Critically and honestly assess your actual values in the environment in which they can best be appreciated.
What have you sought in relationships? Have you been realistic in your expectations? What have you learned about yourself in living through them? What are you looking, for now, that is different from what you might have in the past?